People love to act surprised when the topic of intimacy comes up, but we have all seen it and lived it in some form. You remember being a kid. We called it “hunching” or “playing house.” Some of you were touching in the closet and did not even know what intimacy was. You remember being at your auntie’s house during the family reunion when all the cousins were running around, and two of them disappeared behind the shed. They came back quiet, eating popsicles like nothing happened. That was curiosity before we even knew what to call it.
People like to say intimacy begins when you become an adult, but that is not true. It starts early, long before anyone fully understands it. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Really! That story was not about water. And Humpty Dumpty did not fall because he was clumsy. He fell because he saw the girl in the mini skirt and lost focus. Society has exposed us to intimacy since childhood, even when we did not recognize it.
Apps like Fizz have made casual connections the new normal. What began as a simple campus chat space now thrives on gossip, arguments and quick hookups. Students post anonymously about what they did and who they want next. Some treat it as entertainment, others as an opportunity. Either way, it proves how easily technology has turned intimacy into a public game.
Hypersexuality often starts with more than curiosity. Our bodies change fast, and some people start to believe that only sexual pleasure can fill the space where real intimacy should live. Many students admit that it is not just about desire; it is about escape.
I met a first-year student who wants a real connection but cannot find it. The person likes a person of the opposite sex that the person genuinely cares for and wants intimacy with, yet that person admitted hooking up with someone else. The person said he feels caught between what wanted and what that person does. That student explained that many students do the same and that they often confuse intimacy with sex. That student’s honesty reminded me that a lot of students who are caught between what feels good and what feels right.
Intimacy is normal, necessary and never limited by gender. I know same-sex friends who hug, lean on each other, and show affection without shame or confusion. It is not about sexuality. It is about comfort, closeness and the human need to feel connected.
Hookups are often presented as freedom, but they can turn into confusion and emptiness. People treat sex like a competition and count partners like trophies. Boys are praised for “spreading their wings,” but girls are criticized for the same choices. The double standard is still alive, and it teaches young people that pleasure is acceptable for some and shameful for others.
The truth is, sex does not always mean intimacy. Anyone can have sex. Intimacy requires honesty, patience and emotional connection. There is a difference between being touched and being understood. According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, couples who share deeper emotional closeness report stronger sexual desire and greater satisfaction. Translation: it feels different when it is real.
Hookups are easy. Connection takes work. Until we start having honest conversations about what intimacy really means, we will continue to confuse bodies for love and moments for meaning.
It is time to talk about it. Not the church version. Not the classroom version. The real version that happens at house parties, in private messages, and yes, sometimes behind your auntie’s shed.
